Monday, September 7, 2009

Clearing my mind...

On Friday night, I was exhausted after a long day of looking at houses. Since JJ was out of town, I had to go alone. It was fun, but I was sad he wasn't there with me. I didn't want to cook for just myself, and my head was still spinning, so I grabbed some Chinese take-out. When I cracked open my fortune cookie, this is what I found:

It says, "You lose nothing by asking, and there is a chance to gain something lasting."
It was the most perfect fortune for me.
Two years ago, I was not the person I am today. I was not self confident at all, I was ashamed of myself, my appearance, and what people thought of me. I know there are people who are confident in who they are while they're overweight, but I wasn't. I couldn't find real, true happiness because I didn't believe I was worth it.

Since losing 80 lbs., I have felt so powerful and self confident. I had many of the same abilities as I did then, but I didn't value them like I do now. I also have added many abilities, like running and other various sports and feeling more comfortable in social situations.

As I said in an earlier post, I approached all of the newspapers and magazines in Jacksonville to see if we could begin a relationship over food and blogging. Folio Weekly responded to my letter, and now I have this amazing opportunity that I'm working so hard on to make into something really special. I know that Ash from 2 years ago never would have done that. I didn't even start telling people about my food blog until a few months in, and now my face is going to be in the paper each week with a piece about what I'm writing and what I think is great food.

As exciting as it all is, I'm starting to get a little nervous. I start my new job tomorrow. It's always scary going into a new job even though I think this is a perfect fit for me. I don't want to disappoint, but I need to be confident in my abilities!
Also, JJ is going over to see THE house tonight. I took his parents and my cousin and her husband on Saturday, and they all loved it as well. JJ's mom said "it's perfect" when JJ asked what she thought, and Jay said it's really hopefully we'll be putting in an offer. At the same time though, buying a house is a huge thing, and it's a little scary too!

I'm trying not to worry, get too excited or scared, but geez, it's a lot to take in. I'm glad I can get it all out here. And I'm glad that it was ONLY 74 DEGREES ON MY RUN THIS MORNING!!! I was still hot and sweaty, and Pumpkin quit on me 2 times, but seriously, 74 with a light breeze is like heaven compared to last week's 80 with 90% humidity. I try to clear my mind while running, but I get distracted running along roads. I miss my trail so much :( Hopefully I'll find something soon that's more trail like where I'm not so worried about traffic.

Well I hope you all have a great Labor Day. I'll try to get a post in if the house status changes and to let you know how my first day went, but I know it's going to be hectic. After work I'm going to profile a honey tasting at a local organic grocery store for the bite club blog! Super excited about that!


  1. Wonderful on all fronts! You look amazing, and congrats on the writing gig!

  2. One thing that I try to remind myself of is that we (all people) are stronger than we ever give ourselves credit for. You have accomplished so much! In a few weeks work will not seem new but routine. The house stuff is big but the end result is something wonderful!

  3. Looking for/buying a house is one of the most stressful things I have ever done because SO much of it is out of your hands. But just look at all that you have been able to accomplish already you will have no problem with a new job and house!

  4. Everything has come together for you Ash because of your hard work and dedication to building your life the way you want to live it. And sometimes, most times, it can be overwhelming and scary to have everything happen at once. I know you'll do great. Being the new kid at work is always awful...but in a couple of weeks you'll have settled in. And the house buying? I don't know anything about that, but I imagine it's stressful as all get out!

    I can't wait to read your updates and support you in any way a reader from the midwest can.

  5. Seriously.. weather this morning ROCKED!

  6. You have accomplished so much already, I have absolutely no doubt that you are going to ROCK your new endeavors!