Thursday, January 14, 2010

Day 14: Facing the Facts....and Second Chances

Today is Day 3 of being sick. It sucks. I hate feeling like this, but I know rest and medication are my best friends. I've been eating tons of clementines, hopefully the Vitamin C is helping!
Today is also JJ's Grandfather's 85th Birthday!!! We are going to celebrate with him on Sunday, I can't wait! I love being near both sets of grandparents now that we're living in Florida!

Now I'm going to go in a different direction from the norm....
Close to three years ago, I began my weight loss journey. I had so much motivation, I was getting married! I lost 47 lbs. in 9 months, and was so happy. However, I still wanted to continue losing weight to reach my goal of -100 lbs.

So I found another form of motivation, I knew we'd be moving away from Bloomington eventually, and when we moved, I wanted to be at my goal weight. I always felt like I was a healthy person trapped in a fat girls body. I knew what was good, healthy, and smart. I wanted people to know me as the girl I was on the inside when I moved... not the fat girl with a pretty face. So I kept working on it, and lost another 30 lbs. over the next year.

Then about a year ago, I decided to come up with a plan to lose the last 20 lbs. I created a 20 lbs. in 20 weeks challenge. I publicized it on my blog, and it became this amazing phenomonon. I couldn't believe how many people wanted to participate. I spent night and day for 2 weeks getting the group organized. There were around 200 people.

As the Challenge began, I was so excited and ready to do it. Then throughout the first 3 weeks, I just could not keep up. I had hundreds of emails to answer, meal plans to write, nutritional information to figure out for recipes, exercise plans to write, snack ideas, pairing partners and groups, plus I had to exercise and eat well on my own. I answered emails from girls who were gaining weight, girls who were losing, girls who were stuck. It was hard for me to deal with the disappointment of others own weight loss problems while dealing with my own. It was so overwhelming, and eventually I broke down and imploded. I called my involvement as the leader off, and hoped each individual would continue on without the big group. In my mind, I let a lot of people down.

It was so hard for me to admit defeat. But everyone was really understanding, and I so appreciated that. I know many of you still read the blog now, and did well on your own with the remainder of the challenge. I'm so happy for you, and proud of you!

So this brings me to today. Almost a year later. I realized today that in 4 short months I will be 25 years old. Call it a quarter life crisis, but I call it motivation. Why not start this next quarter of my life in a healthy weight. Sure, I'm pretty healthy now, but I am carring 20 lbs of weight that could and should go. So here I am with some great motivation, and I'm excited and ready to do it!
I lost the first 20 on my own. The second, third and fourth... all before I had this blog. I can and will do it on my own, for myself.

So now here's the problem. Remember how I threw away my scale? Yeah. I did. But now I'm going to get a new one, I'm giving my relationship with the scale a second chance. I'm going to weigh myself once a week. And I will not become a slave to the scale. I will not let it rule my mindset and attitude. If I need to keep it out of the bathroom 6 days of the week so I only weigh myself once a week, so be it. It's not weakness, it's planning ahead.
This weekend I'm going to go buy a scale and weigh in on Sunday or Monday morning. I have no idea what I'll see when I do... my lowest weight in the past year that I remember is 171.5, so we'll see where I am now. I'll make sure to post it, good or bad.

I may hit -100 by May 14, I may not... either way, I'm going to try hard, and stay focused. If you want to offer support, I appreciate it. However, this is all on me, as it has been for the past 80.

So to leave myself with some motivation, here's the photo that started this journey. Our engagement party in February 2007....252.5 lbs.


  1. You can do it ASH! We believe in you!

    I know it is hard, to watch some of the big time bloggers, and their grand sweeping communities of involved readers, but in this time, I hope you can focus on you, and do everything in your power to meet this amazing goal!

    we love you! :D

  2. Good luck! With a little planning and work you can totally accomplish this goal!

    I'm working on becoming a fitter person. It's hard. I have alot of respect for what you've done so far!

  3. I think it is a good idea to make your weight loss journey just about you. While it is great to have support, if you feel like so many other people are counting on you for help, it becomes much harder to help yourself. Put yourself first this time!!!

  4. You can do it! Your success already serves as inspiration for so many, including myself. Good luck as you work towards this goal to a fab 25th Bday :)

  5. You go girl! By the way, I was one that did the 20 pounds challenge with you. I completed mine (and a second one) since then. You can do this!

  6. You have come such a long way, here's to the next 20 being the best 20 lbs To lose! Thank you so much for sharing your story, strengths and weaknesses. I did a weight loss journey post last week...and am using one of my starting point pics for motivation. Swing by if you have time!

  7. You have been and continue to be my inspiration to work toward a healthier me. I totally understand the image of a healthy girl in a fat girl's body. I'm thinking about starting a bog of my own as added motivation. Do you find it helps keep you on track?

  8. You have done so great! Can't wait to watch you hit your -100 mark! I'm ready to start my post-baby diet/exercise program. Still got about 3 weeks until she is due!

  9. You can do it!!! I never thought I could lose over 100lbs. Its such a large number and scary! I like how you've broken it down into smaller increments. Good luck!

  10. You can totally do it! You have already lost so much weight. You will make your mark!

  11. You have done absolutely amazing on your journey, thus far. I have no doubts that you will continue to achieve your goals!

  12. I have been following your blog for a few months now and have been really amazed at what you've accomplished! Congratulations. I have set out on my own weight loss journey this year and hope to lose 40 pounds before this year ends. I also plan on doing a weekly weigh in and shall look to your blog for company! :) I am sure you are going to do great.
    I am 152 pounds now. Have lost 2 pounds this year. But i so know what u mean about obsessing with the scale!!